


Jet

by KuraiTsuky



Series: All the Colors in the Universe [6]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Canonical Character Death, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Dark Doctor (Doctor Who), F/M, Grief/Mourning, Post-Canon, Post-Episode AU: s10 e12 The Doctor Falls, Twelve doesn't regenerate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 05:24:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14325558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuraiTsuky/pseuds/KuraiTsuky
Summary: She's always worried, in all her lives if he ever loved her as much as she loves him.The truth has never tasted so sour.





	Jet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rhody](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhody/gifts).



> So I am terribly sick right now, but this idea has been rolling about in my head since it was suggested to me by Rhody in the comment section for 'Porcelain' of which this is the chronological sequel to, this been also, the precuel to 'Black' the first story in this series though it's not necessary to read either of them.  
> So a huge thanks to Rhody without whom literally this wouldn't exist!

She looks at him down there and frowns. Not because of what he's doing, no. In fact, him trashing the TARDIS because of her is actually quite flattering and watching him stoop to her level feels like vindication. This is what he should have been from the beginning, Missy thinks.

Where are your precious human morals now she wants to mock him. No, it's the fact that she can't laugh at him, only watch from her ghostly perch what causes that frown and makes feel confused. She's a Time Lady for Rassilon's sake, Time Ladies are meant to be close to eternal, to live through time and space and then vanish into the matrix making the very stars mourn them. But this isn't it, this is a life that can't be lived, a death that never ends. This, she hasn't an answer to. She's still herself, maybe more than she's been in a long time, but she can't do anything about it. So she settles with watching the Doctor.

After all, Doctor watching was always one of her favourite activities, from even before they were the Mistress and the Doctor, back from when they were just Koshei and Thete and they were more than brothers, closer than lovers, simply Friends.

His fall makes her laugh, how all his rules disintegrate and he embraces the potential she always knew he had. Missy is quick to squash the small amount of guilt in her ghostly heart when he kills his first innocent with intent and doesn't feel anything. He keeps it up, her madness, her chaos and it makes her both jealous and angry (and many more things she won't acknowledge) because everything would have been better, much more hilarious for sure, if he'd shared this side of himself with her back when she could contribute to the destruction.

So the fall is funny even if it makes her marginally envious. But the crash isn't.

The Crash from Missy's point of view comes the day he burns the Earth.

That is the day she realizes -a lie, deep down she's known all along- that this is not a phase or another side of him he has never shown before, this is him being Empty and she's never, ever, wanted to see him empty. She yells at him, screams at him, bangs her incorporeal arms against the walls of his TARDIS, what is left of this once proud and mighty piece of Gallifreyan technology that is now as empty as its pilot. It doesn't matter what she does, he doesn't hear or feel a thing.

So she has no choice but to watch on as he reaches this place that still trusts him, still worships him, this place he's still the president of for the Other's sake, and makes it tear itself to pieces. She has no choice but to look on as he burns down his favourite planet in the universe without a back glance or remorse. She has always done everything possible and many things believed to be impossible to avoid a permanent death. She's always been afraid of that thick, all consuming Void. Today however, she yearns for it.

She's always worried, in all her lives if he ever loved her as much as she loves him.

The truth has never tasted so sour.

**Author's Note:**

> The line about "closer than brothers, more than lovers" is inspired by a similar quote on the novelization of 'Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope'.


End file.
